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Magician, columnists look into future

NORTHWEST HERALD

Local magician Nino Cruz specializes in the world of the unknown. He sees newspaper stories before they're printed and dreams of future events.

For two years, this Lake Geneva mind reader has made predictions for major companies and is annually featured in the Northwest Herald's Sidetracks section.

"This year, I see more positive predictions than last. I even plan to predict lottery numbers for individuals," he said.

Did his predictions for 2004 come true? What will happen in '05? Read on.

'04 PREDICTION: Old clothing fashions will make a comeback.

RESULT: An article published on May 21, 2004, in Sidetracks read, "Good or bad, yesteryear's clothing, decorating trends are makin' comeback."

'04 PREDICTION: Jerry Lewis soon will be rid of his health problems.

RESULT: In March 2004, according to "The Examiner" and "Nielsen Media Research," Lewis revealed he was off steroids, lost more than 50 pounds and was exercising. He's healthier and feels quote "happy."

'04 PREDICTION: 3-D movies will be presented without the need for special glasses.

RESULT: Several movies in 2004, including "Shrek," "Spy Kids" and "The Polar Express," were presented at the new IMAX 3D Experience in Chicago without the need for the red and blue glasses.

Jon Singer - Sounds

Most important events in history could never be predicted. The reason they make such an impact is not just the reaction they get, but the suddenness with which they happen. When Elvis, the Beatles, Nirvana or Britney Spears broke into the music scene, it wasn't gradual, and no one in their right mind would have predicted a completely changed music landscape.

So when making my 2005 predictions, I didn't try to predict the next Earth-shaking artist or style change. In fact, I think it happens about once a decade, and I don't see it happening in 2005. However, there are plenty of fun things I can see in the works. Here are the five best.

Garage rock revival officially dies

1. A new release from the White Stripes flops. The band was the last hope for the dying genre, as the Strokes, the Mooney Suzuki, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and others all have struggled in the album sales department. Record labels finally pick up on this, and the bands can't buy a magazine cover appearance. In a counter move, Jack White announces a new rock band project to release an album in 2006, ditching his Stripes partner, Meg.

Pop is still tops

2. After Ashlee Simpson and Lindsay Lohan proved in 2004 that the Britney Spears-initiated pop resurgence is as lucrative as ever, record executives continue to seek the prettiest 15-year-old boys and girls, mix innocence and sex, and encourage the young "artist" to take more clothes off than ever to prove they are "comfortable with their sexuality."

3. A 22nd British Invasion comes to America

Influential trio Cream has already announced some May concert dates in England, but money and excitement of the reunion will bring the band to America. Likewise with Queen, who has teamed with Bad Company frontman Paul Rodgers. The band will hit America for the first time since original leader Freddie Mercury died. Seeing the success of these bands, two more English bands will announce 2006 reunion tours.

The Kinks and the Police are in my crystal ball.

4. Live Aid 2 happens

There's already talk of a Live Aid 2 concert to aid Tsunami-stricken regions. Bands such as U2 and Coldplay are already interested in doing something, though there's a lot of red tape involved. Whether it happens in January or on the 20-year anniversary of the original (July 13), U2's Bono will see that the event happens.

Other artists on the bill who will include Sting, the Who, Elton John, Pearl Jam and the Dave Matthews Band.

5. Stars take a break

Believe it or not, some major stars will be very quiet in 2005. They will include Britney Spears, Madonna, Kanye West, OutKast, Christina Aguilera, Justin Timberlake, and of course, Michael Jackson.

Nick Powills - Celebs

I have had this little secret for a long, long time.

For years, I have surpressed it, simply because the repercussions of telling someone could have been detrimental.

But finally, I have decided to share my secret, since you, the readers of the Northwest Herald are worthy of my knowledge.

I am psychic.

No lie.

I can indeed see the future.

Either that, or I have lots of Hollywood common sense. Hmm. You be the judge.

1. LINDSAY LOHAN'S SEX TAPE REVEALED

Last year, Paris Hilton's dirty laundry was exposed. Before that, the world watched Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee. This time, Hollywood's 18-year-old party animal Lohan will forever be remembered when her sex tapes are released. Surprisingly, Lohan won't be upset, since the added publicity will score her a role in the upcoming sequel, "Showgirls 2."

Lohan said the video was her best acting so far.

2. BRITNEY CALLS IT QUITS WITH KEVIN FEDERLINE

Britney Spears decides that after less than a year of marriage, Kevin Federline is not the ideal man for her, as she file divorce papers in the fifth district court of New York. Spears says she plans to take a few months off from the glamor of Hollywood before returning to her music career and the pursuit of ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake who says he is not interested in getting back together.

3. JENNIFER LOPEZ FIRES hubbY

After completing her longest marriage tenure, Jennifer Lopez divorces Mark Anthony when she decides Sean "P.Diddy" Combs was the true man for her. Anthony, desperate to win J. Lo back, writes a remix to Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back," to no avail. J. Lo simply said no thanks! Shortly after returning to P.Diddy's crib, Lopez moves out and proposes to Ben Affleck who turns her down, yet keeps the "Bennifer" nickname with new fianc & eacute; Jennifer Garner by his side. After being rejected, accepted, rejected, and who knows what else, Lopez decides to finally go on a date with the Northwest Herald's Nick Powills, who is instantly turned into a celebrity journalist.

4. JAMIE FOXX DOES IT ALL

After filming the sequel to "The Replacements," Jamie Foxx has decides to ditch Hollywood for the NFL. He will tryout for the New York Jets this summer, and if cut, the Chicago Bears will pick him up as a defensive back.

5. O'TOWN ANNOUNCES FALL TOUR

After a two-year break, the boys' of O'Town announce a fall tour, titled "Greatest Hits and Back Again." The tour is expected to have minimal sales.

Jana Thompson - TV

Is it me, or has TV become unpredictably predictable?

Nowadays, the only thing we can't expect is the unexpected.

You follow?

TV is no longer clever and fresh, it's just gross and stale.

Will somebody barf on reality TV?

Will somebody cry in some bottom-of-the-barrel Fox stunt?

Will another dumpy comedian shoot a dumb pilot about his fictional life?

You bet your sweet bippy.

Besides the barfing, here are a few more predictions.

1. Reality feels the blow of mediocrity

It's gross, it's salacious, it's voyeuristic, and it's all looking the same these days. Is it really all that exciting to see just one more ridiculous Fox special about a woman who gets plastic surgery and wrangles a rattlesnake to make it to the next level where her long-lost adoptive father will forbid her to marry a guy she's never met before on the wing of a Cessna - even though it's all a big hoax!?!? (Gasp.) I'll watch A & amp;E, thank you very much.

And I think I won't be the only one.

2. More cussin'

Despite our growing displeasure with the reality genre, I think we'll be seeing more leniency in the swearing department. I was shocked and appalled to hear a certain word uttered on a news magazine program a while back. Of course now that the A-word (naughty lingo for backside) has been out there for a while, few things are sacred. I think the few examples of breaking the FCC barriers will eventually burst the dam. (No pun intended.)

We say almost all the dirty words now, why hold back? Just follow Vince Neil's lead.

3. Go, go gadget

I remember when there were no remote controls. It is a dim memory, but I do remember when TV was just TV. Now there is TiVo and digital cable and DVD burners. My dad's set requires a degree in astrophysics just to turn it on. I'll bet there's yet another huge development in tube-ular technology. Maybe it'll just plug into our brains. Nah, not until at least early 2006.

4. TV news becomes useless variety show

How many times have you turned on the morning news and seen/heard this: "There's a gigantic meteor heading toward earth ... but we'll get to that after we watch field reporter Trixie Skirtwearer skydive strapped to a live llama. ... Our motto is '5 percent news, 98 percent schmooze.'" I guess since I work at a newspaper, I find these ratings-scroungers repulsive.

Besides you can't clip their recipes. Read the paper. Keep a nice girl employed.

5. Odd bedfellows

Ever since the Timberlake-Jackson, Kutcher-Moore, and Ford-Flockhart unions, it's been hard to keep celebrities dating people born in their own geological period. I suspect TV will slowly turn from the dumpy-whiny-stereotypical-male-comedian-and-his-undeservedly-hot-wife shows to the I'm-25-she's-45-and-she-feeds-me-Coco-Wheats-alongside-her-kids shows.

Jeff Westhoff - Movies

While watching the movie "White Noise," I heard something in the static Michael Keaton missed.

It sounded something like Orson Welles with a really, really scratchy voice. "Jeffrey," I heard, "I'm here in the ether with my colleague Nostradamus. We are about to tell the five most significant events that will transpire in cinema during 2005."

And this is what they told me.

1. Best of the 'Star Wars' series

"Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith" will be the best "Star Wars" film since "Return of the Jedi." In it, Anakin Skywalker will become Darth Vader. Queen Amidala will die, but not before giving birth to Luke and Leia without husband Darth knowing about it. And somehow the events of the prequels will be wiped from C-3PO's and R2-D2's memory banks. If "Sith" can do the same for us, right there will be worth the ticket price.

2. Academy nixes "Screenplay" award

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will eliminate the category "best original screenplay" from the Oscars. Look at these 2005 movie titles: "Elektra," "Batman Begins," "Alone in the Dark," "Doom," "Bewitched," "The Dukes of Hazzard," "The Amityville Horror," "The Pink Panther." Comic books, video games, TV shows and remakes have shoved original screenwriters into the Pacific and taken away their WiFi access.

3. Academy's new category

The academy will then create a new category, "most undemanded sequel." The 2005 nominees will be "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo," "Herbie: Fully Loaded," "The Ring 2," "Son of the Mask," and "XXX: State of the Union." Early money is on "Deuce Bigalow."

4. Lindsay Lohan emerges from captivity

The world will be shocked when Lohan reveals that wasn't really her who ignored her own genuine talent and looked for any opportunity to flash her cleavage. No, that was an identical twin robot controlled by her arch-rival, Hillary Duff. Freed from a cell lined with Lizzie McGuire posters, Lohan will resume her career as the most likable actress of her generation.

5. Incredible rip-off

"When 'The Fantastic Four' opens this summer, moviegoers will complain how that Stan Lee guy ripped off 'The Incredibles.'" And as Stan would say," 'Nuff said."

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