On their own

Tears in her eyes, her face buried in the back of my legs, my 3-year-old daughter Lilly met her pre-school teacher the other day.

She didn't say a word, would barely look up.

I wanted to scoop her up, hug her and carry her out of there to the safety of her home, her sisters.

But I didn't. 

"This will be good for her," I told myself.

It's always been Anna and Lilly, the two of them together. But this fall, they'll go their separate ways.

Lilly's off to one pre-school, her twin sister Anna another. 

It wasn't really a choice we made, but that's the way it turned out based on availability, their abilities and needs.

Lilly's able to take part in a school district program this year, while Anna will spend two days a week at a private pre-school.

And I'll likely spend the school year watching and worrying about how they're both adjusting to the new routine.

There's always been a debate over whether to separate twins in school. 

I've written about it in the past, heard all sorts of viewpoints.

With the number of multiples skyrocketing in recent decades, it's become quite the hot topic. Some parents have even created web sites (twinslaw.com) in protest of school mandates on the issue.

With my oldest twins just now reaching pre-school age, I'm sure I'll gain even more insight as the years go on.

I can only focus on the year ahead of me right now.

And it began when Anna cried as Lilly and I left without her for the school. Lilly cried when she got there.

"It'll get better," I told myself.

It's not often that I get to be alone with just one of the kids. And as I watched Lilly's face, her wide eyes, while the teacher talked to her, I realized just how scared she was by this whole thing.

But for once, I saw Lilly, just Lilly, not Lilly reacting to what her twin sister had to say, not Lilly quietly taking my hand as her sisters danced and yelled around her. Just Lilly.