Siblings' teachings important
Who else is going to teach a kid how to shoot a raisin out of his nose? Or how to take a chunk out of her hair when Mom’s not watching? A sibling, of course.
As important as these skills might be, kids learn so much more from their siblings. More than you might think, according to a recent study.
Parents shouldn’t underestimate the influence siblings have on one another, said Laurie Kramer, a professor of applied family studies in the Department of Human and Community Development at the University of Illinois.
She recently co-authored the study, “What we Learn from Our Sisters and Brothers: For Better or for Worse,” based on the relationships of 4- to 8-year-old siblings in 95 families.
While parents likely best teach kids how to behave in more formal settings, such as at the dinner table, siblings become role models of more informal behaviors, the study says.
Children will learn from siblings how to act at school or how to be “cool” around friends, many of the behaviors that make up their everyday experiences, says Kramer, who has researched the topic for the past 25 years.
It is her hope that the study provides a clearer understanding of sibling relationships and helps answer critical questions, such as why some children pursue antisocial behavior.
Kramer created a “More Fun with Sisters and Brothers” program in Urbana to help children identify, monitor and evaluate their emotions when it comes to their siblings.
“In today’s world, a lot of times children have different rooms. They’re shunted to different activities,” Kramer said. “They’re not always expected to develop common interests.
“It may be very important for parents to let children know they do want them to enjoy one another,” she said.
The more positive the relationship, the better the influence on one another.
It can be as simple as teaching a kid how to ask a sister or brother to play, she said.
When’s a good time? What do you do when the sibling doesn’t want to play? How can that sibling let the message be known without hurting the other’s feelings?
As much as siblings can be best friends and each other’s biggest supporters, they also can be each other’s biggest antagonists. They’re bound to fight.
“Parents certainly can do a lot to help kids learn how to manage those conflicts on their own,” Kramer said.
It’s tough sometimes, though, to know when to step in and when to let the kids battle it out. If you step in too much, aren’t you actually preventing the kids from learning to work it out on their own?
Kramer tells me children younger than 8 don’t have the skills necessary to resolve their own conflicts. They need to be taught, she said.
“The conflict is not going to end, it could escalate in intensity and frequency and someone could get hurt,” she said. “I call it being intentional about these relationships. If you want kids to be close to their siblings, you’re going to have to make an effort to do that.”
