I don’t like coffee. I don’t like it black. I don’t like it white. I don’t like it sweet. I don’t like it disguised as a chocolate soda or branded as a Frappa-something or served in a mug that says “Over the Hill and Picking Up Speed.” I just don’t like it.

I even protested when my wife wanted to get a coffee table for the living room. I thought it would be hypocritical. But after much debate, I compromised, and we bought a decaffeinated one. My wife likes it because you can’t tell the difference between it and a real one.

Being a non-coffee drinker, I am clearly in the minority. One study suggested that more than 80 percent of the people in this country drink coffee. Why, odds are you are enjoying a cup of your Morning Thunder as you are reading this. So take another sip of your Cup of Joe as I try to establish some common grounds with you Go Juice gulpers.