To the Editor:

For a week after the horror of Sandy Hook, the cowardly gun cult remained silent. Its spin masters would have us believe it was in respect for those killed. The truth is that it had pulled out one of its tentacles, put it up in the air to check the wind direction, and discovered that the public was fed up with guns. How should it address this monumental problem?

A frantic week later, this is all it could come up with: Guns didn’t kill children at Sandy Hook. Because of a lack of armed guards and mental health money, because of violent video games and movies, a bad guy did. Besides, God is punishing us for eliminating prayer in schools, for abortion, for gay marriage and because we elected Barack Obama as president.