Man, this team is good.
Yeah, yeah, I know. It was only the first night of a long high school football season. We shouldn’t get too carried away. Nobody wins championships in August.
But I’ve got a feeling about this one. This team is really good.
They go by the name Mother Nature’s Sons. They’ve got a little bit of everything. Speed, power, size, you name it.
You know the slogan, “Don’t Mess With Texas”? Well, go ahead and mess with Texas. Put it in a headlock and give it a noogie. Slap a “Kick Me” sticker on its back and secretly tie its shoelaces together.
But whatever you do, don’t mess with Mother Nature’s Sons.
In one single night, the Sons sent dozens of teams home with their tails between their legs. See ya, Crystal Lake South. Adios, Marian Central. Better warm up the bus, Cary-Grove. Maybe next time, Prairie Ridge.
Richmond-Burton, it’s time to pack and leave. No dice, Johnsburg. Have a safe trip home, Crystal Lake Central. Thanks for trying, McHenry. Hasta la vista, Huntley.
You all caught the wrong opponent on the wrong night.
Mother Nature’s Sons reminds me of the modern-day Miami Heat, with a splash of the New York Yankees from back when they were dominant. Sure, they’re all great teams, but you’d have to be out of your mind to cheer for them.
Gosh, do these guys get under my skin.
First, their uniforms are ridiculous. Have you ever seen anything as gaudy as these? They show up in blotches of green and yellow and red, which apparently is supposed to represent their colors on the Doppler weather radar map.
Oh, and did you hear their entrance song when they stormed on to the field? It was – I can’t believe I’m writing this – “Blame It On The Rain” by Milli Vanilli. Seriously. They made us listen to Milli Vanilli before stomping on our local athletes.
Their roster is packed with talent, I’ll give them that.
Billy Bigstorm is a freak of nature, no question. I would be stunned if that kid doesn’t end up on the payroll of some school in the SEC next season. Bigstorm is, what, a couple of thousand feet tall and a few dozen miles wide? He could play basketball with that type of a wingspan, which he stretched from Woodstock to Wheaton.
Then you’ve got Ronnie Raindrop. Trust me, you’ll know it when he hits you. Compared with his teammates, he’s kind of a runt, but what he lacks in size he makes up for in tempo. Like Devin Hester, he sometimes prefers to go sideways. Maybe he’s not a four-star recruit, but he’s a Division I talent, for sure.
You want to talk about someone who’s underrated? Let’s talk about Willie Windgust. This guy will sneak up on you – you’ll never see him coming – and then he’ll knock your socks off. Well, maybe not your socks, but your hat, for sure. Windgust has strength like you wouldn’t believe. Forget about stopping high school teams… this guy stopped Metra trains for more than two hours Friday. TRAINS!
A scouting report would not be complete without mentioning star cousins Theo Thunder and Louie Lightning. Everyone tends to act jumpy around Thunder, and it’s easy to see why. This guy is mean. He’ll wake you up by blasting noise at 3 a.m. and refuse to apologize. Ugh, what a jerk.
Lightning, though, he’s the one who really can deliver a lights-out hit. For whatever it’s worth, he got my vote for MVP of Friday night’s action. Bigstorm seemed pretty eager to head toward Chicago, while Raindrop, Windgust and Thunder all seemed to run out of stamina as the evening continued. Yet Lightning refused to quit.
It was impressive. Really impressive. But one night does not a season make.
Come Saturday, Mother Nature’s Sons might be feeling a little full of themselves.
It’s time for payback.
• Northwest Herald sports columnist Tom Musick can be reached at email@example.com and on Twitter @tcmusick.