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Take 2: Bears, Fabio and Santa Claus

Published: Thursday, Oct. 3, 2013 12:11 a.m. CDT • Updated: Thursday, Oct. 3, 2013 12:15 a.m. CDT

(Continued from Page 1)

The Bears' unbeaten streak ended at three games as they lost to the Detroit Lions in Week 4. Shaw Media's Hub Arkush and Tom Musick discuss:

Musick: Hub, I'm starting to feel queasy about the Bears' defense. These are my symptoms: Fast heart rate, advanced hair loss and nonstop visions of Reggie Bush running past helpless would-be tacklers. What should I do? Is this covered by Obamacare?

Arkush: Tomasso, I hate to ask this, but I can since we share very similar domes. How exactly can you tell you're losing more hair, and where is it coming from? I'd say your best chance of getting it covered is with Hair Club for Men or a new rug. And speaking of coverage, just when might the Bears cover up their next opponent's rusher or ball carrier? Since it didn't happen in Detroit, I think we can assume they'll be trying harder at home vs. the Saints. A better or at least equally important question could be: Will Jay Cutler be doing his best Santa Claus again?

Musick: I want hair like Fabio. Do they make Fabio wigs? Can I order one online? While I'm in a spending mood, maybe I can search for bargains on a four-pack of defensive linemen and a healthy 200-pound Peanut. As for Cutler, I think he's just representing his hometown. The guy isn't from Touchdown, Ind. He's from Santa Claus, Ind.

Arkush: You have a point, but I'd say the jolly old QB better spend some time this week practicing his best Scrooge 'cause after watching the Saints Monday night they'll be more than difficult enough, even without giving them gifts all day long. Not only are they a matchup nightmare on offense, old Buddy Ryan's boy appears to have them playing a lot better defense than the Lions were. This version of the 3-4 "D" is getting to the QB a lot more than the Steelers were, and Jay may have to do his share of cutting and running. And I can't move on without Fabio? REALLY?

Musick: Oh, yes. I’m as serious as a Caleb Hanie incompletion. But let me get back to the Saints' defense for the moment. Let’s say – and this is totally hypothetical, of course – they could select only one Bears player on whom to place a bounty. Would it be Cutler? Would it be Brandon Marshall? Or would it be someone like Matt Forte, who apparently is not allowed to leave the field while the Bears are on offense?

Arkush: The Detroit Lions actually answered that question for us: It's Cutler first, and then Marshall and Forte in that order. If you take away Cutler, you are seriously limiting the damage Marshall and Forte can do, as well. Unfortunately, the truly scary reality of the Lions game is an NFL defense is more than capable of taking away two or three options, and unlike the Saints who have at least six to eight players on offense who can beat you, for the Bears it's just those three musketeers.

Musick: This isn’t really helping to ease my queasiness, Hub. On the bright side, the Bears will enjoy home-field advantage, the Saints will be playing on short rest, and rain is in the forecast for this weekend. If the Bears can’t find a way to stop Darren Sproles and company, then maybe Mother Nature can.

Arkush: Hopefully, Mother Nature will be in Navy and Orange on Sunday, and there is no question the natural grass, which is sloppier at Soldier Field than most stadiums around the country, will help to negate the Saints' huge speed advantage a bit. But I wouldn't hope for too much slop in the weather, as the Bears’ best chance in this one will be to get into a shootout with the Saints rather than leaning on the "D" for comfort. Let's hope a little home cooking and an extra day's rest will help even the playing field.

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