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Schaumburg: Nothing to read here; move along

The moral to today’s column is this: Don’t wait until Friday to start thinking about a column that publishes Saturday.

Yeah, OK, maybe I shouldn’t admit to all you Northwest Herald readers that this column had no topic as of noon Friday. There’s myriad reasons for that, only one of which is that I tend to procrastinate.

I took to Facebook seeking some suggestions. That didn’t help.

One suggestion in the newsroom dealt with Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus being named the worst role models for kids, according to the Best & Worst Role Models for Kids poll conducted by the website What To Do With The Kids.

As if we needed a poll to tell us that. For the record, Taylor Swift (she of the many boyfriends she then uses to make hit pop songs) and the boy band One Direction were named the best role models for girls and boys, respectively.

I thought about writing a column about how you should react in case you come across a cougar (the animal, not the human version), but that seemed like it wouldn’t have widespread appeal. At least the animal version.

Then there’s the government shutdown. It clearly is the best new sitcom of the fall TV season. I wonder which network will pick it up for a second season. My money is on Fox News.

Oh, have you seen this drunk dial Congress website – Just put in your phone number, and the site will call you and patch you through to a congressman so you can voice your displeasure over the shutdown.

In case you needed them, the website also provides a list of talking points and drink recipes. The Southern Congressman and The Fancy Statesman concoctions sound yummy.

I’m getting hungry. It’s nearly 12:40 p.m., and I haven’t had lunch. I know what I won’t be eating: chicken nuggets. Did you see that story? Mississippi researchers discovered that, get this, there isn’t much chicken in chicken nuggets.

These guys examined two nuggets. Neither had more than 50 percent chicken muscle. What made up the rest of the nuggets? A mix of fat, blood vessels, nerves, cartilage and pieces of bone.

Think about that the next time you order chicken nuggets for your kids.

By the way, I had Panera.

• Jason Schaumburg is editor of the Northwest Herald. He’s decided he’s not growing a beard this winter. Reach him at 815-459-4122 or via email at Follow him on Twitter at @Schaumy.



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