Letters to the Editor

Illinois vs. Texas

To the Editor:

The Illinois governor is jogging on a nature trail with his dog and is attacked by a coyote.

Animal control captures coyote and bills the state $1,000 for testing and $1,500 for relocation. A veterinarian collects the dead dog and bills the state $500. The governor’s hospital bills the state $3,500.

The nature trail is shut down for six months while fish and game conducts a $100,000 study. The governor spends $50,000 in implementing a coyote awareness program. The state spends $2 million to study rabies eradication worldwide.

The governor fires a security guard and spends $150,000 to train a new agent with additional coyote training. PETA files a $5 million lawsuit against the state for coyote relocation. The governor’s security agent sues the state for wrongful termination and is awarded $2 million in damages. A minority firm sues the state for the security position. A Union sues the state, requesting additional security. Taxpayers flee the state while the governor blames the press for over simplification.

The Texas governor is jogging on a nature trail with his dog and is attacked by a coyote. The governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued weapon and ammunition. Buzzards eat the coyote. The governor finishes jogging and returns to work.

The election nears. Please get it right. Conceptually plagiarized for parody.

Donald Allen

McHenry

Loading more

Digital Access

Digital Access
Access nwherald.com from all your digital devices and receive breaking news and updates from around the area.

Home Delivery

Home Delivery
Local news, prep sports, Chicago sports, local and regional entertainment, business, home and lifestyle, food, classified and more! News you use every day! Daily, weekend and Sunday packages.

Text Alerts

Text Alerts
Stay connected to us wherever you are! Get breaking news updates along with other area information sent to you as a text message to your wireless device.

Email Newsletters

Email Newsletters
We'll deliver news & updates to your inbox. Plan your weekend and catch up on the news with our newsletters.