Krug: Blago in feds’ Magic Kingdom now
So you’ve just been indicted on 16 felony counts by a federal grand jury, disgraced ex-Gov. “Hot” Rod Blagojevich, what are you going to do next?
Probably some time behind bars.
One can only hope.
By now, you’ve heard that the state’s symbol of corruption was in The House of The Mouse when he learned that the good people back home had indicted him on 11 counts of wire fraud, two counts of attempted extortion, and single counts of racketeering (not Mouseketeering) conspiracy, extortion conspiracy, and making false statements.
Not sure whether Blago received the good news in Disney World’s Fantasyland or Tomorrowland. Plenty of reasons to suspect that he was not in Liberty Square.
Of course, Blago isn’t alone in the indictment fun.
Former fundraiser Christopher Kelly, former chiefs of staff Lon Monk and John Harris, lobbyist William Cellini, and Blago’s brother, Rob Blagojevich, also are huddling in the same log as they head down Splash Mountain.
Harris, who has agreed to cooperate with the federal investigators, appears to be riding in the back of that log and might not even need a towel. When you consider the way the feds build a case and their success rate, which is right up there with the certainty of death and taxes, most everyone on this ride is going to need a change of clothes.
Most should hope that they look good in orange jumpsuits.
Of the indictments, Blago didn’t summon the words of Tennyson or Kipling or even Dumbo.
“I’m saddened and hurt, but I am not surprised by the indictment. I am innocent,” Blagojevich said in a statement. “I now will fight in the courts to clear my name. I would ask the good people of Illinois to wait for the trial and afford me the presumption of innocence that they would give all their friends and neighbors.”
Yeah, whatever.
You fooled us twice, pal, but we’re not Goofy.
• • •
Lost on Space Mountain? Haven’t heard much from Roland Burris lately.
I’m not saying that’s a bad thing.
I’m just saying.
• • •
Just say Conficker: The latest and greatest computer virus scare to date, the ominous Conficker, didn’t seem to do much more Wednesday than the Y2K bug. Then again, like 99 percent of the computing world, I boot up my computer, smack the side of the monitor when it’s the slightest bit fuzzy, and then expect it to work perfectly.
But any opportunity to use the word “Conficker” should be seized. I challenge you to use it somewhere today in a conversation.
Example: Wow, that Blagojevich is a real conficker.
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Catch the Big Frog: If you can’t make it to the UIC Pavilion tonight, don’t forget to watch Wonder Lake native Jeff “Big Frog” Curran in his World Extreme Cagefighting match on the cable channel Versus. The first match is set for 8 p.m.
Curran (31-10-1) has fought at 155 and 145 pounds in recent months. But the area’s most prolific mixed-martial arts practitioner will check in at an ultra-ripped 135 pounds for his battle with Joseph Benavidez (9-0).
You’ve gotta like the Big Frog’s chances tonight at a lower weight. This will be a tough match, but I think that Curran will rise to challenge.
Now get out there and support our local guy.
• • •
Yo, Jay: Welcome to the Midway, Jay Cutler. You’re a monster now. Now stop the baby routine and juice up that golden arm of yours. You’re the first legitimate quarterback they’ve had here since, well, Jim McMahon.
You were 2 when the Beloved won their last Super Bowl, my friend. But most surely the magnitude of that glorious event was not lost on you as you gazed up from your sippy cup and soaked in the moment.
Oh, and be warned; Bears fans don’t put up with petulance. In fact, they punch people in the grille who use the word “petulant.” So steer clear of that, too, pal.
Now get out there and bring home a Lombardi Trophy or two, and it’ll be all good.
• • •
And finally … : Never mind the snowstorm, the Major League Baseball season opens today. All is right with the world.
• Chris Krug is executive editor of the Northwest Herald. Contact Chris by calling 815-459-4122 or via e-mail at ckrug@nwherald.com. Keep up with Chris’ rants, raves and insights via Twitter.com by following him at ChrisKrug (no space).
