I worry too much.

Am I doing this right? Am I screwing them up?

Will we be there on time? Have they gotten enough sleep? Are they hungry? Does she feel hot?

What is she wearing? What’s in her hair? What’s in my hair?

An endless stream of questions, big and small, run through my head daily about my kids.

I’m often doubting myself when they’re awake. And when they’re asleep, when the house is quiet, except for the occasional moan of our broken toilet, I’m feeling guilty about that harsh word or two said in frustration, that opportunity missed.

Perhaps I read too much about parenting. Do it this way. Don’t do it that way.

So much information, so much advice, it’s almost daunting.

When I think about the future, when I write stories like this about kids getting bullied, I worry more.

Because when they’re older, when they’re out there on their own, they’ll face a world full of peers and pressure and who knows what else.

“I honestly do think kids today have a lot thrown at them,” said Marilyn Twining, a mother, retired educator and adviser who works with teachers, parents and students to combat bullying.

She has studied “relational aggression,” the name given to a type of bullying that is less physical and more manipulative.

It’s especially seen among girls, Twining told me, many of whom are filled with anger and rage. They’ll push others out of peer groups, taunt and tease. Why do they do it? Numerous reasons, Twining said.

“There’s no such thing as a C-student today,” she said. “Everybody and every parent in this world expects their child to be an A-student. When I went to school, you did the best you could.”

Same goes for sports and other extracurricular activities, she said, where kids feel pressured to be the best.

“That causes a tremendous amount of inner-rage,” she said. “A child should be able to play and fail at things and find ways to come back from that.”

And many parents these days simply don’t have the support of grandparents, aunts and uncles around to help them out, Twining said.

“There’s a lot of loneliness today,” she said. “People don’t tend to have friendships like they used to. There’s certainly a change when we have to go to a computer to get our love.”

So how do you instill enough self-confidence, enough compassion in your children? How do you make them strong, good, happy?

Be firm, but positive, Twining said. Teach them to give back, and give them self-esteem, she said.

Little remarks, such as “Why can’t you tie your shoes yet?” tend to slip out, she said.

“How much does it cost to say to a little kid, ‘I like your sweater,’ instead of ‘How come your hair isn’t combed?’” Twining asked.

Most of all, just love them, she said. That, I can do.

Now if we could just get the kids to understand the time change and maybe, actually sleep an hour later.

Too much to ask?

In a guest blog entry, Christine Tilles of Lake in the Hills Huntington Learning Center offers advice on how to get the most out of the conferences.

Tilles suggested using the following framework to come up with your own list of discussion points:

Your Child’s Progress

The most obvious topic will be your child’s school performance. Talk with your child’s new teacher about how your child is adjusting to the increased difficulty of lessons and class work. Questions to ask about your student’s academic development might include:

· What are the school’s/state’s grade level standards? 

· Is my child performing to grade level standards? 

· Is he or she keeping up with homework assignments and participating in class? 

· What are my child’s strengths? In what areas could he or she improve?

Grading and Expectations

It is important to understand how your child will be evaluated by his or her teacher throughout the year. Here are a few questions you can ask to ensure you are aware of what will be expected of your child:

· What standardized exams will my child take this year, and how will you help prepare your students for such tests in the classroom?

· How do you grade assignments? 

· How do you determine my child’s report card grades and marks? What are the various components of these grades?  

· How much time should my child spend on homework each night? 

· What skills should my child master this quarter/semester? How can I best keep track of his or her progress?

Your Involvement 

All teachers welcome and encourage parental involvement, so use your conference as an opportunity discuss how you should support your child at home. Questions to ask include:

· How can I help my child improve his or her areas of weakness? 

· How can I help my child stay organized and on top of his or her homework assignments and projects? 

· What can I do to support you in your classroom objectives?

· What suggestions do you have on how to approach homework time? What is an appropriate level of parental involvement and support?

Good Communication

At the end of your parent-teacher conference, you will likely come away with a list of action items - both for you and your child’s teacher. Here are a few questions to ask before you part ways:

· What is the best way to communicate with you moving forward? 

· What should I strive to accomplish with my child before our next parent-teacher conference and how would you like me to inform you of my progress? 

· What will you strive to accomplish before our next meeting (related to my child) and how can I stay apprised of your progress?

To learn more or to locate a Huntington Learning Center near you, call 1-800 CAN LEARN.

"I'm gonna put a raisin in my belly button and go as a cookie for Halloween."

My late grandmother Noo Noo would say this every single Halloween without fail. My sister reminded me of this and I couldn't think of a better way to start a column about Halloween.

As far as I know, Noo Noo never really did go as a cookie. But she and a friend did go as Beavis and Butt-head one year. They drew the faces on brown paper bags, put them over their heads and went to their friends' houses for candy.

They were at least approaching 80 at the time. Oh, how I miss Noo Noo.

If you're crafty like me, Halloween's the ideal time to show off your skills. I, myself, have been working on costumes for my kids for weeks.

Four of the five are going as, get this, twins! Clever, huh? Could have them all be "Five for Fighting." Kind of fitting, but not really practical, I suppose.

I actually just realized that Halloween's less than a week away when I sat down to write this column, meant to be about a candy buy-back program offered by a local dentist. (It just takes me a while to get to the point sometimes.)

Dr. Phillip Neal's program is ideal for parents who'd rather their children not gorge on candy or who already have stolen and eaten the good stuff - anything chocolate - from their children's Halloween stashes.

Neal of Crystal Lake Dental Associates will buy the candy for $1 a pound from noon to 4 p.m. Nov. 1 at his office, 280 B Memorial Court. Call (815) 459-2202 or go to his Web site at www.drneal.com for more information.

As part of Operation Gratitude, www.opgratitude.com, the candy will be sent in care packages to those in the U.S. military this holiday season.

The event, first hosted last year, has turned into a sort of Halloween party at the dental office with costumes, a raffle, the signing of a giant card for the troops and a visit from the Warrior's Watch Riders. A troop support group, the Riders provide motorcycle escorts for military units returning from war or deploying.

Dr. Neal expected about 300 pounds of candy last year and ended up with nearly 1,300 pounds.

Those overseas in the military "just can't get the same kind of candy, the things you grew up with," Dr. Neal said. So the packages are a nice treat.

And the program itself might actually save a tooth or two, maybe even prevent a pound or two as well.

"A lot of times that candy just hangs around and kids and adults get into it more than you probably need to," Dr. Neal said.

Still wish I hadn't eaten all those Tootsie Rolls the kids collected during the Settler's Day parade in Marengo a couple weeks back. Because a bunch of little Tootsie Rolls eventually make one giant Tootsie Roll that just sits in your stomach for hours, slowly seeping into your thighs.