Thompson: Balloon Cat, beedog go trick-or-treating

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Check out the story on safely dressing your pets for Halloween on the cover of Slice today.

It says your pet should be able to breathe, bark or meow. I guess people really need to be told this. If you’re stifling a meow, you’re probably in the process of having your eyes clawed out.

I have cats, so that wouldn’t be FAKE blood all over me if I tried to stuff them into geisha costumes (read about the pugs on page 3D).

Tell the paramedics I’m Type B-positive.

It doesn’t matter anyway. They’d never stick around to show off their togs.

My cats are terrified of the doorbell. They run upstairs to hide under the bed, The Feline Fort Knox.

Of course, this gave me another good, non-bloodletting idea.

One cat can be Falcon Heene, the “Balloon Boy.”

She’s going to hide upstairs, and I’m going to tell trick-or-treaters she’s floating over Colorado in an aircraft I cobbled together with cling wrap and tethered to my satellite dish.

“There it goes!” I’ll say and point to the sky. They’ll all turn around, and I’ll slam the door and keep the candy for myself.

Oh, come on, it’s for a reality show, which is a good enough excuse for any poor behavior.

Actually, I’d never dress my pets. That would lead to taking them for portraits at the Sears studio, followed by total psychosis. And I think I have to take a least a week off from mentioning the cats in this space. Really, I’m not that obsessed. Really, I mean it.

Wound up about politics, religion and Balloon Boys? You need pets in costumes. Obviously, no animals were harmed for the writing of this column. For complete details about dressing your pet in such a way that no one gets hurt, see the cover of the Slice section.

www.beedogs.com: Dressing your pooch as a bee isn’t an original idea (like Balloon Cat). Sometimes the dog is smiling; usually he’s wearing an expression of resignation.

With each page, you get a increasingly hilarious invitations to continue viewing beedogs: “If you have spent at least thirty minutes examining these beedogs, you are ready to see more and may click here.”

catsinsinks.com: “This IS my Halloween costume,” these cats are saying as they lounge in sinks. “I’m a cat. I can walk on water.”

cuteoverload.com: This is the be-all end-all source of adorable animal silliness. I’m sure it will have a Halloween special soon, complete with dogs dressed as bees and cats dressed as sinks and giraffes wearing neckties and such ...

www.petsinclothes.com: Vote (from one to 10) on critters’ get-ups. Not only do they have a section for cats and dogs, they have a other pets – mainly various rodents – and a very patient rabbit.

www.dogsinduds.com: These people are just breaths away from the portrait studio.

• Jana Thompson can be reached at jthompson@nwherald.com.