Lyons: Things that go bump in the fall
Shhhh. What was that?
Someone’s at the door. Who could it be? It’s not Halloween yet. You peek from the upstairs window and see a man standing on the porch with an object that’s difficult to discern in the eerie dusk light. He’s pacing between the potted mums.
Maybe you can get a better angle from the living room? The doorbell rings. Then you see the glimmer off the object from passing headlights. Oh, no. It can’t be. This isn’t supposed to happen yet. It’s too soon. But, to your horror, it is your worst fear ... a clipboard.
You brace yourself. Gulp. You have to answer. He knows you’re home. He saw you watching “American Idol.” No time to fret over that shame, the bigger problem is still standing on your porch in a pair of loafers. You know he won’t go away quietly.
The door creaks as you open. Now there’s no escape. An outstretched hand. A plastic grin. A lapel flag. Now you’re done for.
“Hi. Let me introduce myself. I’m Tom So-and-So. And I wanted to let you know that I’m running for ...”
As reliable as a harvest moon and tacky office decorations this time of year, politicians will march from door to post office to grocery store to train station. You can’t escape. Garlic around your neck? Ha! Illinois politicians have no sense of smell. How could they? Stake them through the heart with a lawn sign? You’d need to have a heart for that to work, right?
OK, I’m exaggerating. There are plenty of politicians, around here at least, who are decent folks. Fair enough. Most people don’t like journalists knocking on the door either. And public service, for those who actually are motivated by a desire to serve, is still a worthy endeavor. But I still think it’s OK that even some of the good ones give us the willies on occasion.
This time of year usually has been both supernaturally and politically active. That is when an election is coming up in November. But the primary isn’t even until February, people. And the general election is next year.
I’m not sure what to make of the winds howling and chains rattling already. It could have something to do with the fact that there are a handful of odd characters who have at least a strong rooting interest in upcoming elections. I’m talking about characters you’d likely expect in costume on Halloween or any other day.
I don’t have a crystal ball, but I get a strong premonition that this is going to be a very long and abnormally ghoulish election season.
Maybe even longer than ... gasp ... the Major League Baseball season.
• Kevin Lyons is news editor of the Northwest Herald. Reach him at 815-526-4505 or e-mail him at kelyons@nwherald.com.
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